Frailty and Assurance

Now that jet lag and the flu have passed I thought my first posting in a long time should deal with an issue discussed recently on e-sangha. Recently I’ve been more aware of my own frailties recently, both physically and in terms of my sense of state of, for the lack of a better term, "assuredness" in faith (shinjin). The physical frailty is the lesser of the two in some ways – it is easier to get a handle on and can be put in perspective. The other is more nebulous and harder to deal with.

Perhaps I’m running into the natural ebb in the initial enthusiasm of the new "convert" (is this the right word?). What seemed so easy and natural at first is coming harder. My feeling of closeness to Amida, the spontaneous exclamations of the nembutsu seem to have faded. My old faults seem more obvious and my tendencies toward feeling hopeless seem to creep back now and again.

Then I ran across this discussion in the Tannisho (IX). Yuiembo confesses to Shinran that "Although I say the nembutsu, I rarely experience joyful happiness nor do I have the desire to go immediately to the Pure Land. What should be done about this?" Shinran responds, "I, Shinran, have been having the same question also, and now you, Yui-en, have the same thought." Shinran goes on to explain that this is "due to blind passion so truly powerful and overwhelming." He than says that such people are the "special concern of true compassion" and that no matter how reluctant we are Amida’s Vow is completely dependable.

This passage is why I love Shinran so much. He is so entirely human here, admitting his own frailties while still holding out the assurance of deliverance. I take great heart from this passage. Perhaps it’s OK to admit one’s frailties and difficulties. I find assurance in Shinran’s statement that people like me are the "special concern of true compassion." I sure need it!

Powered by Qumana